There are countless factors which determine whether or not an approach will be successful. Some are within our control and some are not. It is impossible to compile a complete checklist of everything you need to do for an approach to work, and trying to do so will only result in frustration.
The art of pick-up is far from an exact science, and that is part of why it is so entertaining. A new challenge is presented with each woman, each one a new person for you to share an experience with.
That being said, even though each girl responds differently to various personalities and material, there are certain elements of an approach which you should always nail down. After doing many approaches, patterns begin to develop. You begin to realize the things that you do that work and you begin to see certain stumbling blocks to improve upon.
Personally, I'm a bit of a perfectionist. I look at every approach and see what made it successful and what I need to fix. The following elements of an approach are drawn directly from my personal experiences. I believe that if you work on mastering these five things, you can't go wrong.
1. Timing/Pacing Your Approach
One of the most crucial elements of an approach is simply the time in which you choose to act. I've been in situations before where I noticed a girl, made eye contact, received approach invitations, and simply declined to approach.
There have been many reasons for this: I could have been waiting for her friends to leave, waiting for her to finish whatever she is doing, or simply being a wuss. It's happened before, and it always infuriates me when I fail to act immediately. In these situations, I usually correct my mistake to the best of my ability and approach later, but the sets are always less productive than normal.
When you acknowledge a girl's presence and she sees you, she will always make a mental note of you. If you approach immediately, it's game on. If you stall around, waiting for a better opportunity or trying to get the courage to talk to her, she notices that too. There is nothing less attractive to a girl than a man who does not take action to get what he wants. She knows that your intentions are to approach her from the instant she sees you looking at her, and the longer you wait, the more your value is going to slide downwards.
You may think you have a good excuse to not approach yet, but that's not important to her, as she's not going to be considering that in her subconscious "value appraisal" of you. Take it from me; don't wait for her friends to leave. Don't wait for her to give you three smiles and a hair flip. Approach her when you see her! If you always do this, you give yourself the best possible chance to succeed.
2. How to be Cool: The Ability to Work with your Surroundings
So many guys go into a situation with the intent to meet women and have two or three "stock" openers in their heads that they are hell-bent on using. The intentions behind this are solid, and it's always good to be prepared, but it is crucial to be flexible when you approach. Pick-up is extremely unpredictable and your game will be very limited if you are not comfortable with improvising based on a changing environment.
More often than not, the approach scenario that you picture in your mind before you go out will be completely different than what you're actually faced with. Out of all the approaches I've done, situational openers that I make up on the fly based on where we're at or what she's doing always result in the best sets. When you're being truly spontaneous and make a funny comment or observation, it will never fail to start the set off on a great note and break all of the initial tension.
Another key factor in an approach is the number of people in your target's group. I had awful luck when I was a beginner in the game. Whenever I went looking for girls not in a group, all I found were giant packs of women; whenever I went looking to approach girls in a group, they were all alone.
I had my routines, techniques, and lines, but when the situation didn't present itself exactly as I had planned, it threw me off. I was so adamant and excited about using all the great material that I learned that frustration set in when the situation didn't present itself as planned.
I've learned the hard way that things hardly ever work out as planned. It's great to have routines to use but make sure you are skilled at adapting to every situation on the fly. The only way to gain this "sixth sense" for improvisation is experience. Once you learn to use the situation and surroundings to your advantage, there will be no location in which approaching is impossible.
3. How to Create the Right Mood/Vibe
The vibe of an interaction is the single most prominent factor in the game. On the surface, it is excruciatingly simple: if there's a good vibe going on, you'll wind up with a successful close; if there is a bad or uncomfortable vibe, you won't. However, when broken down further, one begins to see the complexity of the whole "vibe" concept.
Many intangibles make up a positive vibe, and it's important to know what to focus on. The main factors of a successful vibe are: being comfortable in the conversation, having a high energy level, being in an overall good mood, and having a positive mindset. In a nutshell, all of the inner-game components are what controls the vibe. The vibe of an approach is a major reason for why it is so important to have strong inner game. It is alright to be nervous, but you must not let the nervousness override your positive energy.
No woman is going to be interested in a man that seems uncomfortable and creepy talking to her. When a guy comes into a set with more positive energy than is already there, any group of girls will be more receptive to his approach. Approaching women should be fun!
I love having the opportunity to meet new girls. If you are genuinely enjoying yourself and having fun, women will notice. If you're only doing approaches to get laid and you'd honestly rather take a bullet than talk to new women, they'll notice that too. Begin to see things in a positive light: if a woman is attractive enough to make you dread even talking to her, then you have a special person on your hands.
Take advantage of the chance to meet this girl and enjoy the ride! The only way to always ensure a positive vibe is to have one within yourself. Vibes are contagious, and a positive vibe can override a negative one!
4. What do Women Want? Substance!
This is the most simple of my five essential approach elements, and probably the most distressing for some. Since looks are the only thing needed for men to be attracted to a super-hot woman, some good looking guys assume that their looks will give them a free pass for a lack of game. Sadly (for these men, and thankfully for others), this is not the way things work.
There is another faction of men who venture to the community in search of the elusive "magic bullet," the one universal line to get them any woman. It doesn't exist. I wish it did. But, that would put me out of things to write about. There is simply no line or routine to use that will create instant attraction in any girl. Like anything worth having, it takes at least a little bit of effort and substance during the approach.
Now, you may argue that it is possible to get a phone number in an extremely short amount of time (such as thirty seconds or less). This is completely true. However, it is much more difficult to get consistent dates and hook-ups from numbers that you spend a very short amount of time getting.
The key to substance in this sense is to include enough substance in the approach to create the initial foundation of attraction before you close. It is ten times easier to generate attraction when you're talking to a girl face-to-face, with the added benefits of kino and more effective flirting, than it is over the phone, through e-mail, or texting.
You don't have to stay an extremely long time; just do enough work to ensure that she will be attracted and comfortable enough to see you again when you decide to close.
5. No Last Minute Resistance (LMR), End on a High Note!
Today's society is a "what have you done for me lately" society, and this holds especially true with women. You can have a wonderful conversation with a woman for half an hour and then let things get boring for the final two minutes, and completely ruin any progress that you've made.
Girls place the most importance on what happens at the end of a conversation, no matter what happened before. It's like in arguments when people always try to get the last word in. They do this for a reason; the last word is all that counts! No one remembers who led after the first half of a football game, and a girl won't care how smooth you were at first if you are dull at the end.
As stressful of as a thing that this may seem to be, it is actually a blessing for men! You don't have to be afraid to make mistakes during the approach, because a little blunder here and there won't matter at all if you can keep the conversation flowing and build some attraction in the end.
You don't have to be perfect, hell; you don't even have to be very good! Don't lose confidence or stop gaming when you screw up, keep at it. If you can recover, she will literally forget all about it. Women don't base their decisions on small details; they base them on general feelings. Furthermore, it's no surprise that their feelings are largely based on what happened last, as that is what is freshest on their mind.
If you're doing a good job with the approach and you know that enough attraction is built, either close then or transition to your next step. Don't blow the whole thing because you kept going on and on when your initial goals have been accomplished.
